The Goodbye Edward's POV
by MissBobbiebobbob
Summary: Edward has to leave Bella. It can't be avoided, even if it is the one thing that kills him, he has to do it. NEW MOON SCENE FROM EDWARD'S POINT OF VIEW!


_Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or any of the words you recognize from New Moon. Those belong to the talented Stephenie Meyer. _

**The Goodbye (Edward's POV)**

**- one shot -**

"Come for a walk with me," I said. I tried to ignore the look of panic in Bella's eyes as she reached for my hand.

The sky overhead seemed to reflect my mood – cloudy and gray…forbidding. A light drizzle was soaking my hair and seeping through my shirt. Bella shivered slightly as we walked, but I didn't feel the cold. I couldn't tell if it was cold or not. I was too numb on the inside. I had to be.

Because it was time. Time to cut myself out of Bella's life forever. Time for her to have the normal and safe life that she had always deserved. And I think she knew deep down what I was going to do. Her mind was just blocking it.

I lead her towards the forest, fighting the waves of emotion that threatened to engulf me. Instead of thinking about what I had to do, I concentrated on memorizing her. The feel of her warm hand in mine. The sound of her heart beating frantically, and the smell of her blood, which still affected me as strongly as it had the first day I met her. I couldn't look at her face yet for fear of falling to pieces.

I stopped within sight of the house. I didn't want to leave her all alone deep in the woods. I leaned against a tree staring at Bella, but not quite meeting her eyes. This was the last time I would ever see her again. It had to be that way. I wasn't good enough for her. I absentmindedly wondered who she would end up with, who would be good enough for her. Mike? Surely not… Or maybe that Jacob Black who had expressed so much interest earlier…

Such jealousy that I had never felt before ripped through me as I imagined the two of them together. It almost crippled me. But her being with someone else was better than her being dead as she surely would be if I remained with her. I forced myself to lift my chin and look at her.

"Bella, we're leaving."

I continued to watch her remorselessly as she began to understand that she wasn't part of the 'we'. She shook her head slowly.

"I'll come with you." If only she could, I thought to myself. The longing I had was intense.

"You can't, Bella. Where we're going… It's not the right place for you." I knew I was a good liar, but I didn't expect her to believe me so quickly. It caught me off guard.

"No! This is about my soul, isn't it?" she shouted, furious and pleading at the same time. "I don't care Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you – it's yours already!"

My breath caught. I stared at the ground, frowning. I was going to have to hurt her even more. What I wanted to do was run and comfort her, tell her the real reason I was doing this. Option number three, I thought grimly to myself. But she wouldn't understand. She would argue and convince me to stay. And that could not happen…

When I had finally composed my face I looked back up at her. "Bella, I don't want you to come with me," I said slowly and clearly.

"You…don't…want me?" she asked looking shocked.

"No." She just stared at me wordlessly. I said, "Of course I'll always love you…in a way." But in my head I was screaming the truth. I'd love her for as long as I existed and I'd never, ever forget her or love her less for one second.

"Don't," she whispered and I almost lost it then. "Don't do this."

"You're not good for me Bella," I lied. That was what did it, what confirmed her fears as I had known it would. I still couldn't believe it, that she actually thought I could live without her! But I would have to try. For her sake, anyway. I cared little how I suffered after this.

The gold eyes finally met the brown ones. Hers were filled with hurt and loss. It unhinged me. "Don't do anything reckless or stupid. Do you understand what I'm saying?" I very nearly pleaded. She nodded and I relaxed a little. "I'm thinking of Charlie, of course," I said quickly and belatedly realizing my mistake. She nodded again, accepting this.

"And I'll make you a promise in return. I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me… It will be as if I never existed."

Bella's eyes widened in horror as the realization of what I was saying sunk in and her breath came more rapidly. She shook, barely able to stand. "Goodbye, Bella." I said, loathing myself for leaving her in this condition.

"Wait!" she reached for me. I reacted automatically, reaching for her too, but I caught myself and pinned her arms against her sides. I leaned down and pressed my lips against her forehead. My eyes closed. "Take care of yourself," I breathed.

Then I wrenched myself away without looking back and ran. I ran and ran, faster than I ever had run in my life, as though I were afraid Bella would catch up to me.

I knew she'd try to follow. There was no doubt about that. I could only hope that Charlie would find the note that I had forged and put on the table before she had gotten home. The thought of Bella stumbling around in the dark forest, calling my name was unbearable.

I stopped, gasping for breath (though technically I didn't need to breathe). I felt like I had been ripped apart. Like if I had a heart it had been torn out and left bleeding at Bella's feet. There was an aching emptiness in my chest.

I sank down onto the mossy ground. This was for the best, I told myself. But all I could see was Bella's face, her eyes, full of the hurt I had caused.

I closed my eyes, gripping my hair, and welcomed the agony that came from the images in my head. I deserved it. The pain and hurt overwhelmed me, pulling me under, and I did not resurface.


End file.
